I always used to think that by pushing myself to get straight A's, landing that job, or joining that club my parents would be proud of me. Now I know that I made them proud just by taking the first steps to recovery and becoming a whole person again. That is a wonderful feeling.

Anxiety and Depression Meds- Day 1

After feeling hopeless and defeated for a majority of my sophomore year of college, I finally made an appointment with my doctor. He diagnosed me with depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He gave me a workbook to complete, "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook". He also put me on Citalopram to take daily and Xanax to take as needed.
I've decided to document how I'm feeling weekly to see if the medication is making any progress.
Day 1- I felt really nauseous all day. I also yawned a lot. I learned to take the Citalopram at night because it makes me really sleepy. By the second day taking the pill, I kind of already feel happier. I know that can't be possible, but I think just knowing that I did the right thing and got help is making me feel better. Also, I talked to some heads of organizations and requested to be on a Leave of Absence until I feel better again or my next doctor appointment during Easter Break.
I told my roommates to keep an eye on me the next couple of days and to make sure I'm eating. So that's good.
I am very hopeful. I'm glad I did this. I'm worried about my mom. I think she blames herself, especially since my brother is starting to have anxiety problems too. I love my mom so much. I want to get better for her.

Do people know I'm this miserable and they just don't care?

The employees in the cafe even see that I'm visibly broken, but the dozens of people I'm in organizations don't even notice.

I am so alone when I'm at school.

I don't want to talk to my roommates because I feel like I'm a big burden or a raincloud.

This is my Sylvia Plath year.