Things That Are Freaking Me Out

 In which I rant about stupid things so I can sleep better at night....
1. Classes. I'm not excited to go back to stress and general ickiness of school.  I feel like I lost all my motivation for school during finals.  At least I'm not the complete clueless freshmen and know the buildings that my classes are in this semester.  Also, I have no idea when this dumb night lab is and no one else in my major knows. Alright.
2. Social stuff. I have The Sean. I have Other Mary.  I have Bryan, and the APO people. I might even pledge a sorority. Why the fuck not?  I even have Kaylin, when she's not gallivanting around with her man.  The main problem is the girls on my floor.  I like them, they're fun, they know where parties are, they have cars. They're just really catty. And gossipy. Like, they talk about each other behind their backs. And then I get paranoid that they're saying shit about me. I really want to have a group of girl friends, I just wish girls weren't so.......girly. This makes no sense when I'm writing it out and I don't actually understand why I'm worried about this.
3. Housing next year.  Other Mary said I could live with her and one of her suitemates next year. But what if that fails? What if I have to live with one of the catty girls on my floor? Where the hell am I even going to live next year? I think Other Mary said it was an apartment. I can't afford an apartment! I have $200 in my bank account! How am I supposed to pay for food, and cleaning, and rent and furniture?!? Which brings me to my next problem...
4. Job. So, my junior and senior year of high school I worked at a fast food restaurant.  The owner of the restaurant left for a new job right around the time I left for school.  I was supposed to work there over break and meet the new owner, but oops, I got mono (I blame The Sean).  Now, they've got a NEW new owner, I don't have a reference anymore, and I don't have any money in my bank account. Oh, and all the managers that liked me left too. SOOOO, I thought, maybe time to find a back up job? Looked up summer camp jobs and came down to 3 possibilities: 1) local camp job that I probably won't get even though my brother worked there and I have that whole "lineage" thing, 2) day camp job at the zoo that I am desperately hoping works out, or 3) Away camp job that I could easily obtain, but wouldn't be home all summer, wouldn't be able to see The Sean over summer, wouldn't be able to see friends. But I would be rich. Ugh decisions.
5. I just have this really bad feeling that second semester is going to be bad. Somebody's going to get deathly ill, The Sean will break up with me, Other Mary won't live with me, my physics professor won't speak English. SOMETHING. God, I need to stop worrying.

I'm A Big Girl Now

A personal resolution I made for myself at the start of 2013 was to start writing again.  Being in a science-dominated major, I don't really get to take many English or writing classes, which is something I cherished in high school.  I just really like how writing about something is a productive distraction.  You're distracting yourself from the outside world and it's problems, but at the same you're creating something that is all your own. I thought, "What better way to begin my 2013 goal than by creating a public blog where I write about my innermost thoughts and strangers can read about them!" And so it began.

A bit about myself: I'm a 19 year old college student beginning to hit that "Oh-shit-I'm-almost-20-is-this-real-life?" moment.  I study Occupational Therapy at Gannon University, a college built right smack in the middle of Erie, PA.  I met some pretty great people my first semester at Gannon, but I still feel like my friends from home understand me more.  I really like cats. I really, really like weird hipster music.  Unfortunately, I'm lacking in any interesting crisis as of lately, besides the whole "shit-shit-I-have-an-apartment-next-year-what" ordeal.  Don't worry. There is bound to be some sort of thing I'm freaking out about in the near future.