thoughts while listening to Airborne Toxic Event

I am starting to feel normal again, like I did before everything. Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I got to spend actual quality time with Sean.  We didn't talk about work or school or fraternity stuff or sorority stuff.  We just enjoyed each other. We weren't interrupted by my roommates or anybody else.  We just ate dinner and watched a movie and talked about life. I didn't dump my problems on him.  I treated him like my boyfriend, not like my therapist.  It felt like last year before everything got so heavy.  I felt light and happy.  I feel in love with him again.  I think I finally forgave him for everything that happened.  I'm feeling things again.

Nazem says that even if nobody else approves of our relationship, the only thing that really matters is how happy Sean makes me. I wish people could overlook what happened.  They only hear the bad parts, the parts that travel through the grapevine. I don't think they understand how important he is in my life.  He is the only person I actually listen to when I am freaking out.  He is the one who has seen every ugly part of me and still thinks I am wonderful. He has been so patient throughout everything.  He has never made me feel stupid for worrying about insignificant things. He lays on the floor with me when I can't do anything.  He texts me to make sure I eat. He has held me when I was panicking.  Even though he messed up, he is the only person that makes me feel safe still.

I need to start living for me.  My entire life has been dictated by authority figures.  If I find one thing that truly makes me happy, I need to stay with that thing. I just really wish more people understood that.