Thoughts While Driving On Lake Road

Over Easter, I had my boyfriend Sean come home with me for a couple of days.  We hung out, met the family, saw the sights of the city, the usual. 

It's funny, because I somehow ended up at all the same places as I did with my ex-boyfriend.  We drove on the same roads, did the same couple-y things. There's this road where I live that drives right on the lake. I would drive up and down the road with Michael all the time; it was like a routine. We would drive to a park and go to the beach. It was on this very same road that I learned that Michael was cheating on me. My friend told me and at first I thought she was joking. I had to pull over into a church parking to stop myself from getting sick. I avoided Lake Road because of that memory. 

And now, here I was, on this road with Sean. And I was so happy. I was so happy just driving and listening to music and kissing in between the stoplights. I thought I was happy in all my past relationships.  I thought I needed to be exactly what a guy could ever want: a dream girl. I didn't realize how messed up my logic was: I would give everything to a guy, and he would in return treat me like dirt. It didn't even occur to me back then how fucked up that was.  But, I was driving on this road with this guy that I haven't even been dating for that long, whom I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, as crazy as that sounds, and I wasn't wearing and makeup, and I was getting over a cold, and the radio was playing some 90's grunge song, and I. Was. So. Happy. Because. He. Was. There.

And then I started thinking about how funny it all is: how people can affect us so easily.  Just because some kid I used to date cheated on me I avoided an entire road. Just because a guy holds my hand while I drive and sings along to the Goo Goo Dolls on the radio I feel like flying.  It's just hard to explain.

At this point, I don't really know how to end this shitty ruminating blog post. I just felt like writing because I actually have some alone time in my dorm room. So I guess I'll just leave.